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Tuesday, February 3rd, 2009
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a new muse has impacted my daily. i'm working on a new writing project, putting poems to beats and i read at a United Playaz fundraiser at the Bruckner on Saturday. it feels really good to be working on creative projects for me, especially in a year when i don't keep much energy for myself. inspiration has been dripping from my fingers. here's a poem in progress (before line breaks, even! you know that's a rough rough draft).
---
there is a science to your style, a slow rewind in your smile, an open space where the elements of this earth pull open. we are rock solid in our language, a beautiful brave presence, forever fierce in all essence, there is fire and flood in every syllable you speak. we wreak havoc each time we exhale, a place where we begin. this is star-crossed in the present. we are time machines.
---
night night. more to come soon. 2nd semester starts tomorrow, and i head in feeling a little under the weather.
xo
lo
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Sunday, January 4th, 2009
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productive day! and it wasn't even stressful. i had a mini-internal freak-out this morning when O asked what i was thinking about, but despite that, today i have:
- completed the HS2 recommendation forms for my students.
- made a january 2009 "room 318 newsletter".
- called TSkillz's mom to tell her how wonderful her son is.
- figured out the point scale for MP3 and how the semester grade will calculate.
- entered my MP3 grades on new grids.
- figured out the "everybody hates basketball" lesson for Tuesday.
- figured out a T-chart for tomorrow's ABC reading.
i have yet to:
- design a new seating chart.
- final project for the unit?!?! aye. still working, and supposed to present it tomorrow.
- make progress reports.
- finish/photocopy the all about me zine.
but still, it feels like a productive day. i always work well under a deadline. listening to US muziq, O being creative in the other room. work days at home that are actually productive? genius! i could've used three more of these days to be ready for tomorrow, but i have had excellent times and plenty of rest. i even forgot i had a job at one point during this vacation. but, i miss those kids and they're AIMing me about how they're bored and ready to be back, lol.
happy sunny sunday to you. i feel a beautiful synergy, like this year may be the fruits of my labor. it may be a year for juice yet. we'll see...
xo
lo
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Monday, November 3rd, 2008
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a video i showed my kids last tuesday. so freakin cute.
(a response to mystic's myspace blog. she organizes with a group called "respect my vote" which looks to mobilize people to vote, but not under a party. encourages folks to educate themselves on every proposal, the issues at hand. www.myspace.com/thatgirlmystic - check her music while you're there.)
as a teacher, i am told that i cannot profess my political views to my students, which at first was difficult for me, but i realize the incredible influence that i do have on my 9th graders. we can have union-sponsored posters in the office, but cannot wear buttons, shirts, or talk to our students about our vote. i do not wish to persuade them (or to disagree with their parents' views), rather to get them to critically think about themselves as humans in a global context. even though they cannot yet vote, when they are able to, i want them to dive into the issues and consider their vote carefully, not approach it uninformed (checking democrat all the way down, taking a guess on the proposals -- so many people do this in the booth). my silence on my personal convictions actually opened up my classroom for a wonderful debate, in which they asked each other very real questions about WHY their family members were backing obama ("let's ask deeper questions than the color of his skin -- does that automatically mean he's going to 'save' us? what does he actually believe?", asked A., the earnest urgency of his question silencing the room) and talked about their disbelief in democracy -- or our country as a democracy. we discussed the power of a vote, despite stolen elections of past, especially in the South Bronx, where it seems to so many like there is no way out and it's not worth trying. it's hard to change things alone, and it takes a long time, but building a sustainable community, working for it daily and seeing progress brings hope. i talked about the importance of voting in local elections, too. how much more directly those decisions matter.
i asked them to think about what they know about me, who they knew me to be, and then asked them to think about who i was voting for. 75% said obama. but i agree with you - i don't believe that his election will mean reparations, an immediate return of civil liberties, immediate withdrawal from Iraq. it's important to hold him accountable if he wins on tuesday. but he has my support, and i do see an opportunity for change in his election. at the same time, it upsets me to hear folks supporting him like a fad, like the hot new album dropping, without question.
i very much respect your decision to encourage voting in this way, and thanks also for your thoughts on your personal vote. i agree, the real work comes in our daily lives, and how we live out who we say we are, but this too is an important time... it was you who said "we all scream for silence when the hopelessness gets too loud." in the bronx, the hopelessness is deafening. the past eight years have been a collapsed lung for this country, but i believe in better days.
cheers,
lo
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Saturday, October 25th, 2008
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My students can't get over "Swagger Like Us". It's their ringtone, they try to get me to play it everyday for our freewrite. I love MIA's "Paper Planes", where the beat came from, and think that TI's verse is live, but damn... weezy, jigga, ye and MIA together? Sick. I love to hate Weezy, but he's the language my students speak. When asking them to make a list of the top 10 songs of all time this week, I should've just had them list the track list to 'The Carter 3", because that's what they did. Though J did surprise me by listing New Edition, and B loves Prince's "Purple Rain"!! They always surprise me.
I despise failing students. I try to find ways to have them pass, work out deals and make-up assignments, I aim to advocate for their success. This morning, as i'm sitting down with the mountain of paperwork, late assignments turned in last-minute to raise their grades, I have to come to terms with the fact that some of them will not pass. We have already had a few conversations about how high school is the time when they need to take responsibility for their education, when the work becomes on them.
I refuse to pander to them by incessantly bugging them about turning in missing assignments. I don’t feel that coddling them will produce independent, self-reliant thinkers and learners. But I understand that they just "clock-out" of school like a factory worker does at work and don't think about it again until the morning. I used to do that, too. Coming from a working class family, I had to train myself to do homework, so I'm starting off slow with them. It’s just difficult when it comes down to the end of the marking period and they don’t realize how their choices are affecting their grades. It’s all about making connections and this is an area that we need to work on together.
As I’m chatting with S on AIM about how she still has assignments to turn in, I am trying to take stock of the ways in which I put myself out there to assist them. Sometimes, it’s pretty unconventional, like having them be friends with me on myspace and giving them my AIM screenname. Let me be clear, they’re friends with my teacher page (www.myspace.com/msfardig) and I don’t just chat with them on AIM about anything, I keep it related to school. I've set up two weeknights a week where I am online from 6-8pm so they can ask me homework/paper questions while they're working. I also call home to parents A LOT, not only when they are acting out, but also when they’re excelling in my class. I keep my room open before school and during lunch for kids to come in and eat/do work. They're starting to be there all the time, already.
There’s a lot more that I can do, it’s just a question of finding balance and time. Thinking about how I can make my own practice better and more effective to assist them in becoming more responsible students. Organizing and reorganizing what I do and how I do, all of the time.
Outside of work, what’s going on with me? Not a whole helluva lot. I’m sad that I don’t make it to Brooklyn very often, and feel incredibly disconnected from a lot of people. We all get so busy, and we’re all tired and just want to rest sometimes, but it is truly unfortunate that proximity really does dictate how often you see people. I don’t take it personally and you shouldn’t either – I am sending all the love in my heart to my BK world. I plead with you to meet me halfway sometime and take an adventure up to the BX every once in awhile, it’s truly a magical place on 134th.
But don’t worry about me, I’m meeting all sorts of new people who blow my mind with their talent, their passion, their progress. I am truly astounded at what my life has become. It feels unreal to be doing this on the daily, to spring awake at 6am ready to go. I just would like to incorporate the old friends into the new world, thas all. Happy weekend! I’ll be grading, holla at me!
xo
lo
soundtrack to grading:
US muziq - secret agents
mystic - west coast
2pac - i wonder if heaven got a ghetto
TI/weezy/kanye/MIA - swagger like us
talib kweli - get by
binary star - evolution of man
athletic mic league - hurts so good remix
dawn penn - no no no
7 chakraz - gnarlton heston
the nobodies - mute (lyrics by me!!!!)
elvis presley - suspicious minds
bel biv devoe - poison
jurassic 5 - quality control
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Saturday, August 16th, 2008
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so, i got to make my first real zine in a classroom with my students this summer. i wrote a unit plan for it last year in school, but my eventual idea is to do digital photography and video work to make a digital production. what's amazing is that in having few supplies this summer, i rekindled my love for the cut n' paste. finished a zine that showcases some of their summer writing and their style, in just 3 days!
i told the students in the beginning of the summer that they would be published authors before they went back to school. though i didn't get to get the copies finished in time for the last day on thursday (ahh, technological difficulties with the copier, it was so upsetting!), i figure that it's cool that they will receive them in the mail. with a letter from me, just like the old days.
on my first day off after the program was over, after the hugs and the "i'll miss you, miss", after they gave me a grade of A for coming in to teach them even with my injury, i started putting together my documentation of our time together. now, instead of making zines, i make scrapbooks called portfolios, to graph and chart our ascension. but i collage pages and make it my own. my zines are becoming books now, and i am itching to share so many words with you.
i have been craving my previous love of writing letters. unfortunately, i've become a horrible correspondent and can't seem to mail things faithfully. but in efforts to get students writing, blogging and communicating with other students their age, i swear i'm going to pick up the pen. i promise to put it to a sheet of looseleaf paper, get it in the envelope, and most importantly, get that envelope into the blue box.
make me keep my promise.
xo
lo
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Saturday, August 9th, 2008
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there has been massive activity in my life, in just about every facet, since my last post. i'm currently sitting in my apartment, leg elevated (i'll get to that later) and staring out onto a gorgeous saturday afternoon, the cumulonimbus clouds billowing over the south bronx and harlem river. i woke up to a wonderful breakfast made by my temporary roommates, jon and mina, who have become a major part of my life because of close proximity, but will hopefully remain close when i move next week.
i've been teaching this summer with an organization called ASPIRA (www.aspira.org), and my 6 week program is ending next week, which makes me incredibly sad. my students are bright, unique and have a very strong sense of self. most of them are not afraid of standing out in a crowd, in fact, they aspire toward their own individuality. luckily, about half of them will continue being my students in the fall, and i hope that i get to keep in touch with some other ones, too. the program is designed to help students make the transition into high school, so i've been focusing on concrete reading, writing and study skills that will help them next year. next week, we're closing out the semester by choosing a piece of writing and making a zine together. each student gets to create a page of their own, and i'm quite excited about it, even though it'll be a lot of work in the next few days.
my summer sublet, at this building called the clocktower in the south south bronx, has been wonderful. i'm subletting from one of my coworkers, a math teacher at banana kelly named annie. we joke and call ourselves the pod people, because each person has a "living/chill out pod" and a "sleep pod", situated one on top of the other. we climb up to the top to sleep. or at least i did, until last weekend, i realized too late that i have a poorly constructed ladder, when i climbed up and one of the rungs broke, causing me to fall. when the rung broke off, the two screws holding the rung in place were exposed, and dug into my leg. there was a deluge of blood (i've written a short story about it and there's a play-by-play account on my myspace blog -- www.myspace.com/lolosita). mina took me to the ER where they gave me 33 stitches in my leg.
i am incredibly exhausted from this week of healing, even though movement has been minimal. i had to teach this week, but my boss was incredibly nice and actually came to pick me up and drop me off at home each day. they moved my classroom so that i could more easily access it on crutches. other than going to work, i have been here, looking out on the world like a modern rapunzel in my 5th floor apartment, wondering what it would be like to experience the gorgeous weather outside.
other than this small snafu, life has been incredibly beautiful, though. my heart feels full and content. i have seen so many great friends since i've been back in the city and i'm learning the bronx, too. i just signed a lease on a wonderful new apartment with some friends from detroit and i'm so excited to begin teaching in my first real classroom in the fall. i'm busily planning, thinking and re-thinking my unit plans and can't wait for the first day of school, even though i know it's going to be a lot of work.
just wanted to give an update. hope all is well with you, too. and now, to take a cat nap in the sun.
enjoy your weekend!!
cheers,
lauren
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it's my last night having this lovely lil macbook that my program gave to me. the thesis is done. school is over (i was a wreck. i cried and hugged every student so hard, no composure whatsoever) so, as i'm backing everything up one final time, posting all of the appropriate records of practice online, going through the checklist to make sure that i have every cord and adapter, i realize how addicted i've become to technology. when i'm not checking email, blogging, texting, making videos or lesson planning/researching online, what am i doing? usually on myspace, youtube, listening to new music or off with a camera somewhere, documenting some sort of event. it will be quite strange to have this absence, and will hopefully lessen my addiction to browsing through amazon to buy books "just in case i ever teach them."
anyway, i hope to get back to writing letters and writing in my paper journal more often. i aim to get packed up and start planning the logistics of the move. but teaching is changing and real world connection outside of the classroom is becoming important in my classroom. i'm talking about having my students be pen pals with students in tennessee, finally running my zine unit plan (yes!) and having them publish their own webzine, videotaping our work together (again). i embrace yet still fear what technology is doing to me. i don't want to be so instant gratification in the way i approach my life.
we were discussing this in the context of me talking about having a disposable camera around the kids that i used to babysit for. they could not get the concept that you couldn't immediately look at the photo you just took and i had to tell them about film... "and back in the day... you had to take your photos to get developed, wait a day and THEN get to look at them." they were floored that digital cameras weren't always around.
just thinkin on technology and how i hope to keep one finger on the pulse of the new world, while one foot is firmly planted in the old world, of letters and paper and books.
xo
lo
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This is in response to an email that a professor forwarded about a former student of his working in Rwanda. Just some thoughts on teaching, both here and abroad.
-- -- -- -- -- -- --
Thanks for forwarding that along. As someone who doesn't envision herself living in the U.S. for her entire education career, and as someone who has visited and vowed to return to eastern Africa (Kenya), I've always been interested in teaching abroad. In learning more about the British education system and how colonialism has impacted education worldwide, I do see myself occupying teaching positions much like your former student's (I didn't catch her name) that are varied in their locale as well as in their scope.
There always comes the tension in my head: do I prioritize helping students (and teachers) in this country change the way that they approach education? How long will it be until I get burned out on unruly students who don't want to learn and prove their intelligence by their wily and intricate plans to avoid learning? We'll see. I tend to cater toward those students who everyone else throws their hands up and just sends out of the room. I guess my threshold of patience is high.
I simultaneously am exhausted and exhilarated by my students in Detroit and am looking forward to my new students in New York next fall. I know that my zeal for education is long-term. The question becomes, how do I preserve my dedication so that it doesn't get eroded by cynicism, red tape and all of the outside-the-classroom drama? This, of course, is a rhetorical question. Just wanted to share my response. Thanks again, Rich!! I do hope to keep in touch on my journey.
Cheers,
Lauren
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Thursday, April 10th, 2008
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"to be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." - e.e. cummings
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the kids are working on an essay about whether or not they believe in the inherent goodness of people, in response to reading/acting out The Diary of Anne Frank. it is incredibly sad that from the models and examples in their own lives, their responses are overwhelmingly that they believe in our natural tendency for evil.
after an inspiring discussion in ed psych last night about why we do this work that seems to be impossible (because it matters, because it is part of who i am, because i believe in small change toward larger change, and in devoting my life to activating change, because i believe in my students' ability to shape this world positively), i came here today inspired. 1st and 2nd hour was deflating, but it wasn't their fault. we had to work on an essay for the RESA people that they already did last fall, as an assessment of progress in this interval. i told daniel to move up next to me because he was having a day and he said, "my day is fine, YOU're having a day." which is true. they can read you so easily. my patience is always tried when i'm not fond of what i'm teaching.
but on a more positive note, for national poetry month i put up a fabulous bulletin board. see? and sekou... sigh. i miss my poetry mentor. good luck to the U of M boys in denver tonight -- i wish i could be there to support my brother in the NCAA frozen four.
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Tuesday, March 25th, 2008
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a poem written in response to silence. while watching the NCAA finals, while mourning that i won't be at the NCAA hockey finals this weekend. i don't want to talk about it, but you know i will be routing for my brother hardcore from afar.
you've pushed all the sound
out of my mouth.
there is only
the pregnant poise
of silence between my lips.
yours have been still
eclipses of memory.
there is no touch
like the presence,
perfecting the sliver
of the moon
that beams down
a shattered slope.
you bend light with that
gaze, that glimmer
of isotopes casting
shadows on silt.
just bury me now
in my breathlessness.
xo
lo
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Saturday, March 15th, 2008
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| Time: | 4:42 pm. |
| Mood: |  contemplative. |
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sitting over words
very late
i have heard a kind of whispered sighing
not far
like a night wind in pines
or like the sea in the dark.
the echo of everything that has ever been spoken
still spinning its one syllable between the earth and silence.
-w.s. merwin
this quote was originally taken from the poetry in motion project on the nyc subway, merwin is a favorite of mine, though. it seems to have relevance today as every project i take on, every word i read and write seems to have significant weight. the third marking period is ending and it weighs heavily on my heart -- as the grades i give help determine whether or not students will pass this year. i want each of them to move on and be successful, i spend a lot of time communicating with them about my high expectations for them and have been focusing in the past few weeks on trying to make my personal connections with them turn into intrinsic motivation. it is perhaps the most difficult aspect of teaching.
i feel like i have three full-time jobs right now -- teaching my students obviously comes first. my work for my MA is second, but closely on its heel has also been finding a job next year. there are four major options - detroit, new york, LA and san fransisco. only time and a position teaching at a school will tell me where i'll end up. each location has so many positive influences and people drawing me there. decisions are so hard to make when you can envision yourself happy in each place.
but now back to my work. good luck to my brother's team tonight, unfortunately i can't make it to the game because i must learn how to prioritize!
much love and many echoes later,
lo
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Sunday, February 17th, 2008
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it's been about 5 years since i put out a chapbook of my poems, and i realize that much of this is due to the fact that i have blogs that i update regularly, and that when i publish zines, there will be a few poems, but not a full zine of them. looking through some of the poems i've written over the past few years that haven't yet seen the light of page, i want to share them. so i'm going to be putting out a new chapbook. haven't decided on the title yet. many of the poems are teaching-themed but a few are all over the places and not at all about that, so i think i'll have to decide in the revision process. i'll let you know when it's out.
and, thinking about the poem i wrote for j. angel (please see my teacher blog - http://504fardig.blogger.com and give me some feedback, it needs lots of work), all of my students are heading elsewhere next year... and if they don't, i am. if i continue to teach 8th grade, i'm going to have a good percentage of my students leave me every year, move onto high school and continue their growth (hopefully). i'm thinking that i want to try and write a poem for each of my students every year, and give it to them in a class-chapbook (of about 30 or so), so that they can remember the year. it seems do-able having 90 students this year, i'm not sure about when i have 5 different classes and 150 students... but it's a challenge.
there are poems that i can write immediately in september, and those that i won't be able to write until may, i'm sure. i'm just thinking about it because i seem to be pretty perceptive with people and able to describe them well, yet my students surprise me all the time. i have lots of moments with each of them that i could talk about... so i'm going to embark on each of them as a project. maybe i'll publish a book of poems about my students later in life. wouldn't that be a cool way for me to remember each of them, as well?
anyway, i am truly a teacher because my body won't let me sleep in anymore (i also elected not to go out last night because i'm recovering from illness), so maybe i'll get started on that. i love inspiration on sunday mornings, listening to res on repeat. that girl will always remind me of the summer in which i met my baby mama, and her (sabrina's) diva qualities are simply on repeat in my heart. so when i miss her, res becomes my soundtrack.
xo
lo
(the little soundtrack thing isn't working, so i'm listening to res, "how i do", 2002, go buy the album!!)
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Friday, January 11th, 2008
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Have I mentioned that I'm obsessed with my students? Just in case I haven't... I am. They are phenomenal. Sometimes bratty and obnoxious, but they're 8th graders, of course they're going to be. This was my first week back after holiday break, and I missed them. We didn't really plan that much over the break, because we don't have our new pacing chart for Spring semester yet, so it was a week of flying by the seats of our pants. But we've learned to excel at that.
We talked a lot about informal assessment as we started work on preparing for the TerraNova (yet another state assessment) and had the students on a grammar fix this week. I taught historical essays on Brown vs. Board of Ed and the Emancipation Proclamation and had them write about the impact of these decisions in American history on their lives. We played a debate game in 3rd hour on Wednesday. They chose the topic "Should Cell Phones Be Allowed in School?", wrote a persuasive editorial, then divided into 2 teams and a team of judges, deliberated to strategize for their strongest point, and then did a point and counterpoint with elected spokespeople.
It was awesome! (And the idea was suggested by one of my students.) By far the majority of the students chose to argue for cell phones, yet the team against cell phones won the debate. The power of persuasion really prevailed. They argued in a very sophisticated way. I'm such an English dork, it's ridiculous. Laughing about where to place the semi-colon today. It's sad. Our quote on the board is "There is no try, there is only do" -Yoda.
After a full Friday, I relaxed at home with soft music and slow thinking. Tonight we watched Danny and his team beat Western 6-1. It would've been 7-1 if his goal had counted and he hadn't gotten a charging penalty for going for the puck. Que sera sera. I went out for drinks with my parents and really wanted to be with my friends. Didn't make it there until one, but managed to make it all worthwhile. Need to visit my Sarah soon. Faith is running through my veins and I try to make her stay. It works, we capture a moment listening to Tree City at the Ace Deuce Skatepark Benefit... I love how urgently we tell our stories. I always want to ask people to tell me theirs.
Goodnight, moon.
xo
Lo
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Tuesday, December 18th, 2007
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hey ya'll,
so i'm creating a unit plan about publishing and trying to work on my 8th graders' conception of voice and personal style in their writing. i thought, how did i get my voice? and while i've been writing for a long time, i found my style and improved my writing the most in the years that i was writing zines. so i'm going to introduce them to the genre and put out a digital zine with them, incorporating my video, audio work and their creative ideas into a great publication that they will be able to take home, share and remember their 8th grade year by.
so, i have crates and crates of zines that i want to look through and include. i'm excited that this means that my break and much of january will be spent uncovering my zine collection and sorting through it. how cool, right? and what a trip down memory lane it'll be. anyway, this is the only way that i'm still connected with many of the people that i used to trade with. if you read this, let me know if it would be okay to use some of your old work. i will be contacting everyone individually if i find your zine and think that there could be an article/essay/theme that i think my students would connect with... please know that i will not use your writing without getting approval from you as to the exact portion i want to use.
thanks for helping me out in creating an awesome unit for my students next spring!
cheers,
lauren
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Monday, November 26th, 2007
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(TBLGQQIA)
i just got an email invite to a U of M TBLGQQIA event and with so many labels to place on the tongue, it feels kind of nice (and when does a label feel nice?). i remember when it was a struggle to get the "B" in there, the "T" on the end of GLBT, and the "Q" that i most often use to identify myself was virtually unheard of. no, it's not being self-deprecating, it's trying to recognize a spectrum that goes so far beyond binaries that i don't even know how to name or talk about it sometimes, there are just moments of awe when i think about all of my long-lost lovelies and how fortunate i am to have met each and every person in my life ... i don't have such a large and diverse queer family in michigan, like i do in ny, but i am happy here, too. i just have to carve out the space sometimes in ways that i took for granted there.
so excited to return for a quick trip next month!
xoxo
lo
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Wednesday, November 21st, 2007
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For those of you who have known me for years, you know this is annual. Thank you for your grace, your presence, your support of me, over the years. I hope you feel how much I support you, too.
Thanksgiving is always a rough day for me, because while I believe wholeheartedly in being grateful for the people and opportunities in your life, I am always at odds with what it means, how we systematically gloss over U.S. history to tell a story about this day to our children which is not true. The painting of colonialism as peaceful and respectful toward colonized people globally, "in their best interest", or in the interest in "civilizing savages" is both horrific and standard education/socialization into U.S. society. We love family, but prioritize the normalcy of a hetero, Anglo, middle-class, Christian family - on days like Thanksgiving, how many people are left feeling sorrow or shame for not having family, or for having dysfunctional families? I think it's incredibly important to get together with family (should you have that luxury) and recognize the love you have in your life, but my distaste comes from how we seek to connect only with our own family, of blood, and not necessarily get at the meaning of a more global or universal family.
First of all, I think it's crucial to give thanks and be grateful for family (of blood and the family you choose for yourself) more than just today. I try to let the words leave my lips as often as I can (and the actions leave my heart/mind/body), because I would be nothing without the many people who have shown me humility, wisdom, great care and the meaning of life. I believe that we are each a part of a community and that we cannot exist on our own, but growing up in an individualistic society, we are often expected to be our own people and can sometimes consider asking for help as a sign of weakness. I will be the first to admit that I need people, I need advice, sometimes I need help, ideas, sounding boards, to talk something out and that I would not be nearly as a strong if I did not have outlets for this. So thank you, to each person who has let me vent, talk it out, question, or has just given me a hug.
Secondly, I think it's imperative to the spirit of cross-cultural connection and building understanding that we extend ourselves beyond the limits of our families this year. Find a way to get involved in your community (or outside of your community) with folks who are not fortunate enough to have the support that you do. Become that support for someone else. Just because we live in a society that encourages the polarization of our differences, doesn't mean that we have to adopt that in our lives. I have a list of opportunities around Metro Detroit for getting involved this holiday season, and I'm sure that there's many similar paths of action in yours.
I sit here, understanding what this day means for family, for a time to reflect and be grateful; I surely am indebted to so many people -- but I also hope that I will live to see a time in this world in which everyone can be able to appreciate this day in warmth, with food in belly and with a family to hold them. I have undying optimism, I have been told this before and will be told this again -- but it is not a reason to stop working.
Cheers,
Lauren
--
"i don't believe in friends, i only have family." - mystic
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Tuesday, November 13th, 2007
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| Time: | 10:20 pm. |
| Mood: |  mellow. |
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this is my 5 minute meditation.
this is my nam-myoho-renge-kyo.
when i'm taking attendance
and they're writing furiously,
prompted by my accidental
exposure of a raw nerve.
these moments are rare,
but the silence is sometimes
the glorious conversation i want.
it can also be engaging.
it can dive off of engaging and
into engrossing. when the bell
doesn't end the conversation.
when you still hear it in
the halls at lunch,
when it echoes, becomes a theme
in every aspect of your life.
love. loss. endurance. respect.
struggle. hardly hope.
they are teaching me
what i need to set up for them.
and i am already watching it work.
this will be a year i write about
for the rest of my life.
and each year since will test
what i think i have down.
10/13/07 - 8pm
L writes a full page, for the first time since we've had him in class.
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Tuesday, November 6th, 2007
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a poem i'm working on. went to visit romulus high school today, visited 3 different English classrooms. having a great conversation in our education reform class about how the crisis in national education is a farce to put federal funding into businesses and not arts/humanities. ha.
xo
l
relinquishing faith
we co-constructed a creation myth.
i formed a religious text around it.
before, i fell blindly into a faith
steeped in faultlines, cracks
in history that may have
shaped light in your likeness.
writing from islands with no
coordinates, two ships gasping
for breath in their plight.
as my colony of crusaders
collects on the sands,
waters lapping their feet with
the fury of getting this gospel out,
they need a leader that lunges
forward, his heart strong and
staying, his step solid and clear.
you may have shown potential.
I may have called you a general
In my military of martyrs.
this is my story. you were
a central character
that i have carried
on bruised back to the battle.
but now i can push you
to the periphery of my plot arc.
there is no place in my prose
for part-time passion.
there is no station in our
solidarity for sly solutions.
remember, this is larger than us.
we are illuminating people
about a lifetime of loving,
and who are we, if we cannot
lead by learning the difference
between lust and legitimacy.
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Monday, November 5th, 2007
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this is the most in-depth that i've ever looked at a piece of text. a 20 page paper on a chapter of a textbook, analyzing text features, primary and secondary text structure (with justifications), key concepts (and subordinate concepts), and analyzing the questions on the taxonomy table to assess the dimensions of knowledge and cognitive function that they activate. i'm looking at paul laurence dunbar's "the finish of patsy barnes", a short story in our textbook. it's taken me a very long time to get this thing 1/2 done. i've been at the grad lab since 1pm (it's 12:30am) and though i've been working on pieces from other classes, i'm feeling pretty braindead.
but there's something really special about the people in my program. we're all here, bringing snacks and coffee makers and making a fun time out of our work, using each other to answer questions and as a resource. i know that it's not like it everywhere in graduate programs, so i appreciate the fact that this one is so cooperative, instead of pitting us against each other as competition. i don't like framing life in a competitive way (unless you meet me on the softball diamond).
life is work. work is life. the paper part of it isn't the best, but if it means that i'll better be able to teach this story next semester, it's worth it. tuesday is prof development, last thursday was parent teacher conferences, i feel like i'm getting into the groove of our schedule, even though everything at earhart is last minute. got a chance to catch up with a good friend of long ago over the weekend, who happens to live right by my middle school... it was funny to drive by it on the way home, at night. it made me envision living on his street, in a big ole victorian mansion on the southwest side of detroit for the rest of my life.
ah, it's funny how travel and staying in one place will forever be juxtaposed in my life.
goodnight!
xo
lo
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Tuesday, October 30th, 2007
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there is a time a woman's life when she sits on her front porch, smoking and wondering who's really looking back at her from the stars. how infinitely large and lucrative the universe can be, and how small and insignificant her own insecurities are. there is a time when the romantic nature of her soul must be punctured and deflated, because she constructs everything in her head so beautifully, so unrealistically, that one can question whether anything in her life has ever been real.
it has come to pass. and i have come to realize my inability to control the conspiring of the universe. i no longer chant, i have disconnected from that life force that is still strong in me, but i'm getting my sustenance now from surly sprites in the shadow of the ambassador bridge and shallow detroit river.
what does it take to be loved how i want to? i've always known that it begins with loving myself and not accepting anything less than best practice. don't you dare give me anything less than your best. and i will outshine all expectations in return. this i promise.
xo
lo
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
arrowed's journal
cold.
accomplished.
nerdy.
exhausted.
cheerful.